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Even As Teachers, Happy All The Time Is Not A Life Reality!

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Happy is a feeling that comes and goes as feelings do. 


b2ap3_thumbnail_Bully-Ourselves-Too.jpgI read an article that disturbed me. "How To Be Happy All The Time."  Happy is a feeling that comes on goes as all feelings do.  All feelings are important even sad and painful ones. They cue us in to what is happening inside. Then we are left to the awesome task of figuring out why.That can be tricky. For ex., why all of sudden why am I feeling annoyed?” It isn’t always what you think it is.

Feeling happy all the time, really a daunting job. I like feeling quiet, peaceful, sleepy. Sometimes I even enjoy being angry. I like having a state of mind though that keeps me present, aware and connected. The best part is…if I don’t like what I am feeling, “I can choose to change it!” What a great discovery this was for me. I didn’t have to be a victim to my feelings. This is where my EI skills really kicked in. I had options. When I am ready, I now change my thoughts to gratitude, treat myself to a compliment, or do a kind act. Since my son passed away, I let myself feel many emotions in his memory. However, I know better than to get stuck in those feelings and so understand that I have the power of choosing differently so I can be present in my new normal. This makes me feel powerful and in charge. Who doesn’t want that?!!!

Yes, being able to regulate our moods through changing our feelings with changing our thoughts is such a great way to deal with the bully inside of us and our own emotionally unsafe environment, or brain. It preserves our feelings of worth and develops those emotional muscles that stop the negative feelings that can cause so much havoc inside. Though we may not feel happy, we may choose to feel good, kind, powerful, smart, to name a few.

Teachers, share with your students that you are having an off day.  You do not need to share why only that you are.  Let them feel empathy, compassion and caring for you as a person and share it appropriately.  This is a valuable life lesson in helping them to connect with their peers and all relationships.  Then share that they made a difference and you are feeling better as a result of their kindness and that you are choosing to feel better with their input and help.

Help your students to learn how to redirect their feelings when they need to so they don’t become their own bullies. I have heard children so often say that they are stupid, and that no one likes them. These statements are not true and teaching them about their inner goodness and how to use it at unhappy or angry moments, wow…not that is what I call effective teaching and parenting.

The real world is not about happily ever after, a goal that can’t be reached. Let’s teach ourselves and our children how to “Happily Choose Our Feelings Of Worth and Integrity!


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Karen Stone has over 35 years experience in education from preschool-college. She has a BA in Special Ed and MA in Learning Disabilities. Not only a professional in the field but also a parent of a child with significant disabilities. Her business experience includes 5 years as manager of an after-school tutoring program in 9 counties of NJ. She is currently the CEO of SoftStone Products, Inc. Karen has written children’s Emotional Intelligence programs (Pre-school-HS) research-based and piloted. This program is complete with classroom curriculums and parent guides. Karen writes an anti-bullying blog with now over 100,000 followers. She is currently giving in-service workshops in school districts receiving many positive comments. She is also a motivational speaker and author of a children's book and CD. Her passion and life’s work is helping to create emotionally safe environments in school and at home so that each child has the opportunity to reach his/her unique potential. She lost her beautiful son to Melanoma a year ago and has been able to sustain his passing thanks to her ability to maintain an emotionally safe internal dialogue. Currently, working to create a grief support group teaching these important life sustaining skills..

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Guest Sunday, 17 February 2019