Who’s the Boss? Getting To Yes!


Anything is Possible; Everything is Possible!

We’re all just a bunch of bosses and cool ones, at that. We take turns leading and following. When we figure it out, we’re like reformed Minions, having a bunch of fun together.

Every day is a celebration of learning and life. Culture is the name of the game and our beliefs, our purposes, our shared Vision and Mission are the tools we use as pieces. We are all stakeholders in the greater good. Successful cultural organizationstarts with getting along and working together in collegial conversation.

Our leadership matters! Making a difference to those we work with, play with and care for has its challenges, but we overcome every obstacle. Better together, by understanding and influencing others by who we are, what we say and what we do.

I’ve been the boss and I’ve been not the boss. What always stands true is the fact that depending on what I say and do, I connect or not. And that makes all the difference in what happens.

Some years ago I was interested in, and certified in Neurolinguistics Programming (NLP)– the study of peak performance, and Hypnosis. I’ve used those skills for a long time in a wide variety of experiences, as a Keynoter Speaker, School Principal, Trainer, College professor and at home with my family.

After years of studying champions and championship teams in their cultural environments, I believe getting rapport is the number one factor in teamwork and success in all endeavors.

Great leaders, preachers, coaches, entrepreuners in every walk of life instinctively know how to get rapport with people. It seems effortless, but really there are simple things we can all do that help us gain trust. Then we get to ‘yes’ and definite results we want and deserve.

Everybody needs strategies in gaining rapport, understanding and influencing others to success. Whether at school, in business or at home, how we relate depends on our mindset, state of being, (past and present experience) and the ways we view the world around us.

Some of us see the proverbial cup half full, others see it half empty, but we are all correct from our point of view.

How we relate to each other can always be improved. Always! The means to success are seen in the art of negotiation and compromise (or give and take); we have to give to get.

In the real world, we usually expect to give more than we expect to get, while beginning to get parity. Trust me. That’s just the way it works.

Through modeling, our body language, word choice, visual cues and a natural empathy born out of need to know and understand, we instinctively know how to get to ‘yes’; there is a win-win.

As a leader, when we know how to match, and then lead, we are most likely to get great results in our relationship, skill and forward movement. We know change is inevitable, growth optional, so let’s go for growth and transformation. When we’re together, thinking “on the same wavelength”, there is congruence, and that’s a great place to be.

Rapport Techniques for Excellence: Getting to “yes”!

  1. Be sure you are fully associated, or present, not disassociated, off somewhere else. Be fully present. No multi-tasking.
  2. ME: Model everything, so what you are doing can be replicated. Make the behavioral patterns specific and observable. This is where coaching comes in.
  3. FUTURE PACE: See what your outcomes look like, feel like and attach any other senses possible to clarify and make it specific.
  4. MATCH & MIRROR: It makes sense to use same or similar body language of another to gain rapport. Also match speech, language and intonation.
  5. Movement, posture, breathing can all be matched. This is not mimicking, instead a sincere attempt to understand. Move your body, move your chair. Focus, look and listen.
  6. Words matter. Use similar verbs and tenses. For example, match favored modalities. “I see what you mean.” Did you get a handle on this?” “I hear what you are saying.”
  7. Reframe anything negative to a positive.
  8. Either speak more rapidly, or slow down when you speak, matching the other person.

When we talk about future-ready or future-driven schools, there is no way to know exactly which skills will be required for daily life and success. Besides tech, most likely teamwork, collegial conversation, inquiry and problem solving will be highly valued.

To be successful working in pairs or teams it is useful for us to remember all ways, conceivably possible, to connect with another.

I have an ‘always do’ repertoire; I’ll share my ‘must dos’ with you.

I WATCH EYES: I believe in that. I see whether they are going up to recall or create information, toward ears for hearing, or down, to a kinesthetic, tactile, gut level.

I LISTEN CLOSELY: In person or by phone, to verbs used, intonation and I match that, to touch and reach out.

I WATCH POSTURE: Body language is a give away. With kids I sit on the floor. I make sure to be at another’s eye level. I may move a leg, crossing it, when the other person does, not copying but mirroring and building trust.

I FIND COMMONALITIES: I listen to the quiet one, whether teacher, parent or student. Then I tune in, with laser like focus

As the new school year begins, this is a perfect time to do things differently, to reach someone we may have missed, to teach that kid in the back of the room, to connect with a parent, to get along with everybody.

Turn that corner. Change a life. By getting to truly know another, we more likely get to ‘yes,’ getting results we want. By understanding others, we more easily infuence and gain rapport, where everything good begins.

I’d love to hear from you how you gain rapport with others, your rituals, celebrations, using sensory modalities, thinking beyond the proverbial boxes. Our young scholars are waiting to be discovered, waiting for us. Let’s get to ‘yes’, sharing leadership, taking turns being the boss. The Minions looked for a new fearless leader. Let’s us be fearless leaders all for the good!

Thank you to Don Werve, California educator and dear friend, for editing and offering suggestions, today and always.

Leaving footprints on your reading hearts, Rita

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